Monday, February 16, 2009


Man alive! I love my son, but 5th grade has sone a number on his attitude. He is not only the whiniest kid on earth, he has also mastered the art of showing his exasperation with his incredibly stupid parents.

I remember that. I remember when I got so hip to the jive that my parents suddenly became the STEWPIDEST people roaming the earth. It was a miracle they were toilet trained, seeing that they spent thier entire lives in OBLIVION... and lucky for them, they had me to teach them. How did they fumble thier parts together TWICE in order to make my brother and I? Was it some moment of drunken clarity that they accidentally created life, I mean... these guys were dumb. I couldn't figure out how they managed anything, let alone both of them getting thier Masters Degrees.
(not to mention doing it BEFORE they got married ,and getting married BEFORE they had kids... now see, I did it exactly the opposite way around, first kids, then marriage, then a degree, no masters... not yet.. pine for that. smart me.

The new thing at my house is that whatever I go to tell my 11 year old, he already knows. He is showing a very astute psychic tendency, I will tell you that...

"Nolan, time to get up for school!"
Oh OK I didnt know.

"Nolan, I am going to pick you up a"- Interrupts- "I KNOWWWWWWWWWUHHHHH!"
"a new minibike after school" (i finish with a lie to get his attention)
"oh but you knew that already didnt you?"
He knows about my game.

"Nolan, could you put"--YES I KNOWWWWWWWWWWUHHHH!"
"your-" -"I KOWWWWW"
"in your-" -"I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.. Im putting them in my dresser, GODDDDDDDDUHHHH!"

OK I dont say the last part, but I want to.
Dont even let me get started on when I ask for blood sugars.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Nolan is eleven. He is at the age that he wants to be with his friends more than with his family. He likes girls. Girls like him. They text him all night long. Zoe, Kaylee, Irelinn... constant phone flirting.
I will tell you that some of these girls are quite grown up in thier phone text conversations... When it gets out of hand, I take the phone away for awhile, and we talk.
I had taken it last week, with the unstated intent of keeping it for a couple of weeks to really teach him a lesson, but ended up giving it back to him on Friday.
On Friday, I went to his friends house, where Nolan was about to eat dinner, and go to a Hockey game... And I gave him his Glucagon, slipped it into his inside pocket, and his phone along with it, told him really quietly that I loved him, and said goodnight.

The next day, he spent a good amount of the day on the phone with a girl he'd met at the hockey game. We took a short road trip, and had a pretty laid back day.

I was feeding the baby in the kitchen when Nolan came downstairs. He sat across from her high chair in a high stool, with that silly look on his face, and a bit of a pallor.
"You Low?" I asked him... but he was busy texting. I imagined texting him..." u lo?" and chuckled to myself.
"Put the phone down and check your sugar." I told him.
His pump said 50 but the sensor was old, and who knows... it may be lower or higher and he would still look like that.
He did, but the lancet device broke, at that very moment, the poking mechanism did not work. I would have done a manual poke, but I knew he would not let me, so I started looking for another poker.
I pulled open the kit drawer, where we have nothing but blood glucose kits.
Kit after Kit after Kit I opened, and tossed over my shoulder-- NO POKER! some had nothing in them, some had only a meter that we never used, some had a meter strips and no poker... I handed him some candy.
I went to the other room to get Nolans backpack. He is supposed to always have everything in there... I felt around... nothing.........
No kit, and also.... it seemed like I felt the absence of something else... AH yes! The glucagon! I had put it into his coat pocket. So I checked the coat. No glucagon. Now, wait, I am still looking for a poker, I gave Nolan some more candy. I then continued my search.
"wheres your glucagon?" I asked him.
*shrug* he did not know. "maybe at the Tyson event center?" He said.
Now I was getting panicky. I left the room again to look one last place for a poker, and found one. My secret secret super secret stash of one kit plus poker.
I pulled it out of its hiding place, (a place so secret that it will not be named here.)Then I heard it. THUD!!!!
I took two steps back into the kitchen to see Nolan face down on the floor, pasty-white and in a stupor. He had fallen off of his stool.
I called for James, and starter crusing candy into a fine powder and gave it to Nolan, who was able to stand back up.
We poked and he was 42. It must have been lower than that before we treated with candy under the tongue.
The baby laughed and giggled at our silliness, and in his stupor, Nolan smiled at the baby and sang to her from his chair.
I read him the riot act about losing his glucagon.
I read him the riot act about not having a poker.
I mourned a little, that he is growing up and away from me a little. I mourned that he has to have diabetes as well as just being a pre-teen.
I mourned that he is not a tiny baby anymore, that I can fix all the worlds problems for.
I made him go to the pharmacy with me while I bought a new glucogen kit.
Today getting ready for school he checked his sugar, and I was just about to give him the standard lecture on keeping the kit in one place all the time, and just as I opened my mouth The stereo turned on.
My husband put in some Ska to get us all happy in the morning.
It is almost a religion for us. You cant be mad when there is ska music on.
So, we started dancing. I tried to teach Nolan to skank properly, but he wont get his elbows out quite right. But It was fun anyway. He does a really good job otherwise, and instead of fighting about diabetes today, we skanked in the living room while Patrick brushed his teeth, and James got Lily dressed.
And for once, we started off on a good note.
Nolan went to school laughing at my dancing.
And that, though I cannot fix all the worlds problems for him now, is maybe just what he needs.