Sunday, September 19, 2010


It's been a while since I have posted. I'd like to say "oh I was just super busy" but thats not the truth.
The truth is that I had nothing good to say for a while. My last post summed it up. We were all insanely sick of diabetes for a good long time. School called me two or three times a day with concerns, not only with Nolans blood sugars, but his behaviors as well. He was eluding the school nurse when he was meant to go in and tell her his sugars. He was taking detention regularly for doing stupid little things to get into trouble like chewing gum, or, writing on his desk, things like that. He was having a very rough year. I all but gave up. It was a constant battle. He was angry every day. He swore at me. My little angel swore at me, and not just the once. Not even once daily. He tried smoking. He wrote all over his arms and hands with black sharpie every day. It looked filthy and pissed off every adult on earth, including me. I'm not sure why, because I am one of those gals who goes around promoting freedom of expression...He wanted to guage his ears out, (which, much to his father's shagrin, I dont have a problem with).
The school counselor expressed concern that he wore mostly black clothes. I told her I was ok with that. "WHAT?" she spat her coffee onto her papers, "that's alright with you? You dont think he is alienating people that way?"
"only people that he feels a need to alienate, I guess, Half the kids at this school shop at HOT TOPIC for the love of everything holy, its a style... its not rebellious and dark if you can buy it at the mall!" I told her. Lost her at hello.

Basically he went through a metamorphosis, a very painful, unappealing incubation period and he is... I think... coming through it.
Now, he has not found the Lord Jesus, nor has he joined the chess club or the Golf team, and not just because they don't offer that at his school....
He may go out for track, but will probably never be a jock, and thats cool with me. He still plays his drums and is learning bass, and has impressed me to the point that I paid him cash money to babysit. At least half what I would pay a babysitter I was not related to.
He works a bit more with his diabetes. He still "forgets" to bolus. He still lies about his blood sugar levels, but not every time now.
He still swears, but not at me, now he just swears like he is talking to one of his friends, "oh I have a lot of homework and sh**." I correct him. He is 13 now. He is influenced by his friends now.
I am crossing my fingers for a better a1c and hoping for the best.
I was checking my phone last week. I often leave my ringer off so I can miss calls when I am driving... and school had called. CRAP. what now.
I called back.
"hi this is Jen Dean, well, Mary Dean, thats my first name, we have this conversation every time I just need to quit, Nolan is my son and I just got a call its probably from the nurse..."
"yes, Hold on let me try that extension"
"Julie Lastname, can I help you?"
"Hi Julie, its Jen, Nolans mom.... I saw that you called?" I could hear the defeated tone in my own voice.
"yes!" she started, "I just wanted to call and tell you that Nolan is really doing an excellent job coming into the office without being told this year, and his sugars are so much better and he is just all around much more pleasant and enjoyable to be around. We haven't had to chase him down once this year he is being VERY responsible"
Uh... huh? no, this is Nolan DEAN's mom.... uh... wait a minute... are you saying... what is this, am I on punked?
I had to choke back a little something that was caught in my throat and had some allergic sniffles right then. No I wasn't crying...
"Thank you" was all I could say for a second.
"I really appreciate hearing that, you have no idea how nice that is to hear....
and it was.
So, finally... he is loving himself a little more, and the rest of the world, or at least a few people that matter are taking note of what an awesome kid he really is.

Wow. Keep it up Nolan. Don't ever be someone you're not, but DO love yourself... and do show the world how you can shine from the inside out...
I love you Nolan.
and no mom could dare be prouder.