Monday, October 01, 2012

Letter to Diabetes

Dear Type 1 Diabetes, I would like to personally thank you, as a mother, a human, a nurse, and a... redhead, for all the immense joy you have brought upon my family. I think the greatest thing that you have done in the past eight years was completely stunt my sons ability to function on several occasions.... I appreciate that, because who wants a kid with a big head, walking around thinking he should be able to "breathe" and "walk" and "have a potassium level that is compatible with life", you know? kids are cocky nowadays, with their newfangled gadgets, and thier earbuds, and Iphones, and insulin delivery devices... Im just really glad that someone is there to put them in thier place. I also would like to thank you for COMPLETELY BAFFLING ANY AND ALL INSURANCE COMPANIES AND/OR MEDICAID/MEDIPASS/MEDICARE. Thanks to you and your befuddling unpredictability, Insurance companies can really just get away without having to cover those pesky insurance claims due to what is only known within the DIABETIC community as YDMV. (your diabetes may vary). I mean, lets face it, 'Betes, (I can call you 'Betes, right?) if you were predictable in any way ever, then they would have to cover diabetes treatments without question. Those pesky diabetics would possibly get an edge if they were not constantly digging in their pockets to cover thier necessary health care essentials, and maybe one of those little screwballs would rise to some sort of authoritative position in this world and god love us... THEN what? I mean, really, can we really have any of those "too sweet for my own good" jerks making laws and such? I think not. So, thanks for being to confusing for most people to understand, and thus, write any policies regarding. Thats been awesome. I would like to personally thank you for immediately picking up on my sons pump occlusion last night, and spiking his sugar to over 600 for half the night. The sound of massive amounts of vomit hitting my wood floor was really, a great way to wake up... and I totally love to watch my still sleeping son lie on his side and projectile vomit all over himself. Thats neat. appreciate that. Without you, he would never know the joy of peeing on a ketone stick when his vision is too blurry to even focus on the stick. Thats just a riot, really... we have so much fun with those madcapped and zany moments! Its like, "what am I supposed to pee on mom?" OH gosh, I chuckle just thinking about it. Really, Diabetes, I think youre just so incredibly NEATO for all the nifty things you have brought into our lives. I love when his blood sugar gets so low that the adults at school think he is acting up and scold him or send him to the principals office by himself. Thats Such a HOOT! I cant possibly start to name all of the fun things you provide. But since your so awesome, here is a start. Lipodystrophy Renal failure Dehydration Headaches Nausea Blindness Neuropathy Non-healing diabetic ulcers Injection site infections finger callouses abscesses infection brain damage vomiting amputation polyuria polydipsia muscle wasting subcutaneous atrophy impotence brain swelling ketoacidosis infertility miscarriage diarrhea heart disease stroke The list goes on.... Oh gosh, Betes... Thanks for all these things... without you, Life would be so stinking BORING. From the bottom of my heart, Diabetes... Thanks so much for all you have done to enhance our lives. On behalf of my son, and everyone who gets the pleasure of your lifetime visit... Thanks. thanks a fucking lot. Sincerely, Mary Jennifer Dean, RN.